Tears in Heaven
by Shaz1
Summary: A year after his wife's death, Riggs is struggling- will he be able to bring himself back from the brink?


Tears in Heaven

By Shaz1

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, but I love them like my own! The song obviously isn't mine either I only wish I was that talented! No infringement meant or intended.

Rating: G

Summary: Riggs is struggling, can he pull himself back from the brink before it is too late?

Please please please read and review!

Tears in Heaven

Martin Riggs sat with his arm around his trusty dog Sam, his blue eyes blurred due to the tears gathered in them, his glassy stare looking out across the ocean. He blinked furiously, his beautiful wife had been killed in a car crash exactly a year ago, so much had changed since. He had a new partner who had taken him into his family and treated him as though he was one of his own, his wife had held him as he cried and nursed him when he was sick- in fact as he had left work that evening his partner, Roger, had been very insistent on him joining him at his house for dinner. Roger was no fool he was more than aware of the date and how it would send Martin reeling, and Riggs knew exactly how reluctantly Roger had let him go home alone, and he hated himself for making his friend worry so much, but he just needed to be alone. Seeing Roger with his family sometimes just reminded him of what he had lost and what he would never now have and that hurt him- especially today. Riggs sighed and raised the bottle to his lips and downed the contents before deftly flicking his wrist and sending the bottle to join the growing pile on the floor in front of him. Slowly he got to his feet, he could vaguely hear his phone ringing from inside, he sighed deeply suspecting that he already knew who would be on the other end of the line.

"Hello Roger" he answered, and was greeted by a very Murtagh like chuckle from the other end of the phone.

"Hey Riggs, just thought would check in" Roger replied down the phone, knowing full well that he was probably pushing his partner a bit hard, but also knowing that his friend was prone to dark moods and tendencies that he didn't like but no way would he sleep a wink without speaking to his partner first.

"Rog, I am fine so get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow" Riggs told his partner. Murtagh sighed down the phone line, frustrated that his partner was pushing him away but knowing that there was little he could do at this late hour.

"Okay Martin, night" he replied, is frustration showing in his voice.

"Night Roger"

"Oh Riggs…" Murtagh called down the phone before his partner could hang up.

"What?" Riggs asked, himself getting impatient to get back to his thoughts.

"If you need anything, just ring me" Roger told his partner, hoping that his friend fully understood how much he did care.

"I will, night partner" Riggs told him, his tone conveying his gratitude to his friend. The two partners hung up, and Riggs returned to his solitude, his eyes drifting around the room, gaze getting caught on the wedding photo on top of his television. He stepped forward towards it, his arms hanging limp by his side as his emotions overwhelmed him. That day had been perfect, everything the two of them had hoped for, and god Vicky had looked so beautiful. He still remembered his breath catching in his throat as she walked towards him for the ceremony, her eyes glistening with happiness as they exchanged their vows and his heart jumping in his chest as he kissed her to cement the marriage. He reached up and gripped the photograph in his hand, holding it close to him he stared into the eyes of his bride- his one true love. He missed her so much, his heart would never be whole again since she had been taken from him. With the photograph still in his hand he walked into the kitchenette and picked up the bottle of sleeping pills from the counter top. He never took tablets, but he needed release today, he just couldn't cope any more. He reached further forward and picked up the bottle of scotch, then made his way back to the sofa, pushing Sam off he flopped down in his place flicking the cap off the bottle and unscrewing the lid on the drink. He placed his beloved photograph on his denim-clad knee, before putting tablets on his tongue and washing it down with the burning liquid. After a few moments he closed his eyes, the tears flowing down his face and allowed oblivion to claim him.

Some time later Riggs opened his eyes, and blinked furiously to clear his hazy vision, the sight before only caused his blinking to increase. Stood before him was his Victoria, and she was shaking her head at him in a furious fashion. He struggled to drag himself from the sofa, and reached out towards her, she stepped back.

"Marty, what are you doing?" her soft lilting voice asked, a voice that he feared he would never hear again, he gasped and stifled his sobs.

"Vicky I miss you so much" he sobbed to her, her gaze softened and she stepped closer to him.

"Marty this isn't the way" she whispered softly her hand a mere breath away from his face. "You don't belong with me yet" she told him gently.

Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven  
Will it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven  
I must be strong, and carry on  
Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven

"I can't do this without you Vic" he told her, his voice breaking with the words. "I just want to hold you and be with you, I can't do this without you" he told his wife, who sat within touching distance, yet did not reach out for him.

"Marty you need to live your life, I will always be with you but you need to be strong. I will be with you to guide you and help you but only with your help" she whispered, her breath tickling his ear as she leaned close enough that he could smell her scent. He sighed, he knew that she was right, but every day without her beside him was like someone trampling on his heart. He nodded slightly and blinked back to stop the tears from falling once more.

"I know. I love you" he told her, she smiled and he fell in love with her all over again as her smile melted even the coldest of hearts- it always had.

"I love you too" she replied, and he had longed for the last twelve months to hear that voice speak those words. "Goodnight Marty, live well" she whispered and her lips faintly caressed his, then she once more stepped back.

Would you hold my hand  
If I saw you in heaven  
Would you help me stand  
If I saw you in heaven  
I'll find my way, through night and day  
Cause I know I just can't stay  
Here in heaven

He closed his eyes and longed to feel her leaning against him, longed to feel her head on his chest as they sat together on the sofa. He longed to feel the taste of her kiss or the sensation of her hair against his cheek, but he knew that that wouldn't happen. He knew in his heart that he would never have any of those things again, only in his memory. He opened his eyes and the image of his wife was gone, and the tears once more began to fall.  Had she ever been there? Why was it that the more time that passed without her the harder it got, and the more his heart longed for her? He was an officer of the law and sought justice for people of the city, but where was the justice in his life? All he ever wanted was to live with his Victoria, to be with her and to love her and some cruel twist of fate had taken her from him far too soon. With a frustrated sob he reached down and once more grabbed the bottle of pills from the floor, needing the solace of darkness.

Time can bring you down  
Time can bend your knee  
Time can break your heart  
Have you begging please  
Begging please

"Riggs! Riggs answer me dammit" the frustrated voice shouted. Martin was aware of his friend calling him, but his body didn't want to move towards it. He knew that of he just ignored it and kept his eyes closed he could be with Vicky and then the pain would be gone.

Beyond the door  
There's peace I'm sure.  
And I know there'll be no more...  
Tears in heaven

"Martin! Riggs open the door, or I swear to god I am kicking it in" Murtagh shouted once more, his vice displaying the sheer fear he felt for his partner. Half an hour a go his phone at home had rung, noone had spoken, but something in is gut told him it was to do with Riggs, and it was all the excuse he had needed to hot foot it round to his partner's home. Now he felt justified in itself since his stubborn partner wasn't answering the door, though the longer it went on the more his concern grew. With one last shout and still no action from his partner, he raised his foot and kicked the door as hard as he could, the door went in in one go, and what he found made his blood run cold.

Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven  
Will it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven  
I must be strong, and carry on  
Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven

Roger paced up and down the waiting area, he had rung Trish some time ago, but he had told her to stay with the kids, not wanting to push his partner too far. He was worried sick, and anyone would have seen that as clear as day. He knew he shouldn't have left his partner, he had known his state of mind but he had still left him. He shook his head to stop the tears from falling from his eyes god if his partner died he would never forgive himself. A few moments later the doctor came and told him the news that he had been waiting to hear and a mere two hours later he was sat beside his silent partner.

"How did you know?" Riggs whispered to his friend, his eyes gritty from tears and his skin pale.

"When you rang me" Murtagh replied, Riggs looked at him confused, before shaking his head.

"I didn't ring you" he replied, his voice weak. Murtagh shook his head slightly.

"Don't worry man, you rest. We have a lot to talk about in the morning" he replied. Riggs sighed deeply, but couldn't fight the sleep any longer.

Way above the two men, Victoria Riggs looked down, her smile lighting up her angelic features and her thanks going to God for Roger Murtagh, for she knew he would help her beloved husband to find the strength to live, the strength to carry on. She knew that Martin belonged exactly where he was, and that although one day he would join her for the moment he didn't belong. With one last look down she blew a soft kiss towards the two figures, and she may have been mistaken but she was sure that she saw her husband relax slightly in his sleep and a small smile grace his pale features.

Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven

The end

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